Thinking of Change

My eyes have been opened to the problems within my company the last two months. I have been getting more involved in all aspects of the company and I do not like what I am seeing. I feel like I am overwhelmed by the number of changes that need to be made. I feel like I am powerless to make some of the changes and am encountering resistance with most of my recommendations. People fear change!

I keep debating how much I want to talk about with the owner of my company and how much I want to volunteer to take on myself. My work is suffering because of the number of items I am trying to juggle. I can't do this alone.

On a much better note, the family and I had a great time in Seattle over the Fourth of July. It was my third trip to the city and The Queen's second trip there. We were able to see a lot of the city and surrounding area. The only think on my list that we did not get to check off was a visit to the Hoh Rain Forrest. I really wanted to go, but it was just too far for this trip. Maybe on our next trip we can make a plan to visit for a few days.

Seattle made me realize again what is missing in the Central Valley. Other than the fact that I hate the heat here, there is no sense of community. I often wonder why my cities downtown does not have the things that other cities and towns I visit have. Don't get me wrong, our downtown is great and has a lot to offer. It is just missing things that would attract more people to the area.

The entire valley is way too conservative for my tastes. Everyone is afraid to do something quirky because of the people they might alienate. The great thing about a bigger city is that it doesn't matter if you turn some people off because there are enough people that will like what you are doing to support you.

I really loved the Fremont neighborhood of Seattle. They have the famous troll under the Aurora Bridge, but they have a lot more to offer as well. There is a full sized rocket mounted on a building, a chocolate factory, a statue of Lenin and some dinosaur topiaries by the channel. It also has offices for Adobe, Getty Images and some other large offices. They claim they are the center of the universe and even have walking tour maps and funny signs posted around the area. They have created a community and I love it.

The Queen and I talked to our good friends about this and they agreed with us. They have not been to Seattle, but agreed that big cities have much more to offer. They even told us that they have contemplated moving to Portland, but that we were holding them back. They do not want to leave us. That made us feel good, but also got me thinking about a move to Portland as well. I have visited Portland once many years ago, but that was before it stated embracing technology and green industries. The city has changed for the better and I can't wait to visit again.

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Differences

The differences between each of us is what makes this world a great place. If we were all alike, then I would be bored. I enjoy learning about other people and cultures and how they live their lives. I don't always know why they make the decisions they do, but I try to appreciate them. Most of the time I do not even agree with the choices, but I respect them.

I really do try to no judge people, but sometimes people do make really bad decisions that affect others. In that instance, I believe that it is OK to pass judgement.

I think that the most glaring area where people make bad decisions is with parenting. The Queen and I are not perfect, but we have made every effort to raise our children right. When they were young, we followed them around and made sure they learned how to behave correctly in different situations. We did not allow them to behave inappropriately. If they did, we made sure we corrected that behavior.

It really drives me crazy when my kids are around kids who do not behave properly and their parents do not correct their behavior. I understand how my kids feel in this situation. They wonder why they are getting in trouble when they are just behaving like the other kids. So, the bad parenting does not just affect their own kids, but mine as well.

Again, I am not a perfect parent, but I believe that I try harder than most.

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Busy, Busy, Busy...& Sick

Time is flying this year! I have not been prepared for anything in both my work and personal lives all year. It just seems like as soon as I start to think it is time to begin planning for something I get busy doing other things and before I know it the even is upon me.

I am not ready for Christmas. I am not ready for Christmas shopping. I am not ready for The Queen's Christmas party which takes place this Saturday at our house. We are not done with our Christmas decorations yet. I have a plant on the front porch that died a month or so ago and I have not replaced it yet. The plants along the front walkway have decided that they are not going to come back yet this year so the flower beds are pretty bare. I have not had a chance to mow the front and back lawns because of the rain pattern we have had. And to top it all off, I am starting to feel sick. I am just not ready.

I was outside the last two nights building a fence and gate on the side of the house to keep Cocoa under control. It is taking me a little longer than I thought because I decided at the last minute to add another post and make the gate smaller than I planned. It is not a big deal, but now I need to wait for the concrete to set before I can hang the gate, which I finished building last night.

Meg has a playoff soccer game tonight, so I won't be able to get that much done tonight. I am just planning on getting the indoor Christmas decorations done tonight so I can move outdoors tomorrow night. I still need to finish the fence and gate, wash the windows, mow the lawns, pull weeds and plant something in the bare spots near the front door. I hope I can get everything except the windows and planting done tomorrow night. We are expecting rain again at the end of this week, so I need to work fast.

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Choices

We all make choices everyday. Some of us make choices based on doing the right thing. Others make selfish choices.

I am a selfish person by nature. I don't know if it is a product of my upbringing or something else. Even though I am selfish, I try to always make decisions that positively affect my family.

I put my family first and take it very personally if they are not treated properly. I don't spoil them and do not expect anyone else to either, but I want them to get what they deserve.

Some people make other things more important than family. Some choose their friends over their immediate family. That is one thing I do not believe in. My family is everything to me.

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Tough Days

We met with our social worker on Friday evening and talked about a lot of things, but mostly about how lucky we had been up to that point. She told us that this was the honeymoon phase and that things will change as the kids get more comfortable with us. She was right.

Saturday was a very hard day for everyone. We had an early soccer game so our day was very long. It was B's first game so she was pretty excited. After the game we split up because I had to referee a game. The Queen and the kids went to her parent's house for menudo. When I got home she told me that she had to separate all three of the kids when they got back home.

We headed off to lunch with my family and then we went straight to the girl's counseling session. K was excited to be there and B was just roaming around the whole place like she owned it. She even yelled up the stairs to her counselor at one point. Once they were in the hands of the counselor, we went to go see Chels for her birthday.

When we got back to pick them up, K was eating some Doritos. That kind of annoyed me since we just had lunch before dropping them off, but I let it go. The kids seemed to be fine.

When we got home, The Queen had to go to the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. We were having some friends over that night. The girls all went out into the front yard to play. I checked on them often. After a little while, Meg came in and said that K said a bad word. I asked her what she said and she told me she could not say it. I brought K in and started talking to her about what she had said. She would not tell me the word she said, but told me that her little brother taught it to her. I gave her a time out.

Meg and B had already told The Queen what had happened before she walked in the door. She had another conversation with K about what she said and we left her in time out for a little while longer. We made her apologize to Meg for calling her a name.

The girls all started picking at each other, so we finally just took Meg into our bedroom and had a long talk with her. She was crying and was very frustrated. The Queen felt very sorry for putting her in this situation. I told her that Meg was strong enough to make it through this and would become a better person because of it. The picking at each other continued after our friends arrived. The girls had to be separated several times.

B fell asleep in the family room before anyone else. K came into the living room and wanted to lay on me. I let her for a while, but then told her she would have to brush her teeth and go to bed. She had a little fit, but went to brush her teeth the second time I told her. She ended up throwing a major fit in bed and was trying to make herself vomit. She was gagging herself repeatedly. I finally got her calm again and she went to sleep.

I went into Meg's room to turn off her light at about eleven and I heard K talking in her bed. I went in to find that she had vomited. The Queen and I cleaned everything up and got her in the shower and back into bed. It was a long day.

When I got the girls home from school on Monday I had them start their home work. Everything was fine and then all of the sudden B started crying and ducking under that table. I asked her to stop and she refused. She just kept whining softly so that I could not understand what she was saying. I took her home work away from her and told her she was done and that I would write a note to her teacher to tell her that B could not complete the work. I told her to leave the room so the other girls could finish their home work. She stopped crying at that point and started trying her home work again.

The Queen got home and it was time to take the girls back for another counseling session. When we got there B just started roaming around again and we made her stop. She just refused to listen to The Queen and kept moving a sign in the lobby. The Queen kept talking to her and B started banging her head on the window softly. It seemed like it was just to get attention. When the counselor came out she decided that B would be the only one to go to the counseling that day. At the end of the session we told the counselor what had happened and she told us that happens all of the time. When we got home B was better.

I am starting to wonder if B's behavior is tied to the counseling sessions. I will keep and eye on it to see if there is a connection.

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Contemplating My Life

Two things this past week have made me think about my life. On Sunday we went to my Uncle's house because another Uncle and Aunt were in town from Oklahoma. Last night we visited one of The Queen's co-worker's children in the hospital. These two things have made me think about my life and life in general.

The visit to my Uncle's house was something I really wanted to do. I have not been to his house in many, many years. I think I have only been there twice and he has lived there for a long time. The reason for this is that when I was still a kid a rift in the family happened. I don't know the reason to this day. All I know is that I was pretty close with my cousins and then all of the sudden we never saw them. It changed my relationship with there family forever.

Visiting their house again on Sunday really made me think about my family. Both of my parents have interesting relationships with their families. Obviously, my mother's family had the problem above with her brother's family and another problem with her sister. My father has one brother who lives locally who we only saw a few times growing up and the rest of his family lives out of state. I guess every family has those members who are a little weird or do not fit in with the rest of the family. I just started to wonder if it was my parents who were the weird ones or if it was their siblings.

We visited the hospital last night because T-Bird's co-worker's daughter had to have a heart procedure. This is the second time she has had to have it and the doctor said that it did not work this time. She will need to have open heart surgery in a little over a month. One of her arteries is smaller than it should be and is going to restrict her growth and cause some other problems unless it is corrected by surgery.

It was hard to watch a little child laying in bed with wires and tubes attached to her. From time to time she would get very frustrated that she had to lay there in bed. At one point she even started trying to pull everything off of her hand. She could not even get up to go to the bathroom and this really annoyed her. She did not want to go to the bathroom in a bed pan. She tried to get out of bed several times to go to the bathroom.

I cannot even imagine what her parents are going through thinking about the surgery that is coming up. The doctor told them that they do about fifty of these surgeries a month, but that does not ease your mind when you are in that situation. I just wish the best for everyone involved and hope that they can just enjoy life a little while they are waiting for the surgery.

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Reunion in Los Angeles

The Queen, Meg and I took her dad to LAX for his trip to Tzintzuntzan. Now that both of The Queen's grandparents have passed away, I expected her parents trips to Mexico to stopy. They proved me wrong and are spending the summer in Mexico again this year. I guess they are just creatures of habit.

A few weeks ago I learned that a few of my college friends who live in the bay area were heading down to Los Angeles for the Fourth of July weekend. They were planning to spend the weekend with another college friend and her family. I thought it might be nice to visit all of them for the weekend since The Queen and I had not seen them for about six years. I persuaded The Queen's dad to make his trip work with this trip.

My friend Kelly's family recently purchased a condo near downtown Los Angeles at the corner of Wilshire and Western, directly across the street from the Wiltern Theater. She offered for us to stay at her condo, but we decided to get a hotel instead. I found a pretty good rate at the Wilshire Plaza hotel. It was just down the street from her condo and the reviews were not too bad, so I booked it. When I was booking it online I got a good price, then as soon as I booked it my confirmation showed a price almost fifty dollars higher in price. I had to call them to get the rate corrected. They told me that the price was correct, but that I should send them and email. I did and a few hours later they adjusted my rate back to the correct rate.

We ended up having The Queen's dad drive to the airport in his Caddy. We just thought that he would be more comforatable in it than in my Prius. After dropping him off at the Crowne Plaza, we headed to the hotel to check in. The hotel was in a pretty good area and looked good from the outside. We we got into the lobby, I was pleasantly surprised. It look pretty nice. We checked in and headed to the elevator. The room I booked was supposed to be a "view" room, so when we got to the sixth floor I could not wait to show Meg the Hollywood hills.

The room key did not work at first. It took several times sliding the card in and out before the door finally unlocked. I opened the door and was very dissappointed. The carpet was stained and in horrible shape. I walked in and looked around and discovered that one of the access panels in the ceiling was hanging down and that the ceiling had a large water stain. I pulled back the drapes to see the view and got a view of the building next door and a slight glimpse of the Hollywood hills. I was not very happy at all, but we did not have time to complain.

We got ready and headed over to Kelly's condo. We got there and had to call to the reception desk to get into the parking garage. We headed up to the reception desk. From there we had to be escorted to another elevator and out to the pool deck. We walked across and finally saw our friends in the function room. It was great to see them all and meet a lot of new people. Kelly and her husband were in the pool with their two daughters, so we walked out there to say hi. We talked a while and then went back in to catch up.

I found out that my college room mate is still living in Oakland and now has a son and a daughter. One of my other college friends who most people thought was gay is now married with a fifteen month old son. The other two friends I saw on the trip are still single with no marriage in sight.

We hung out and talked most of the evening and then we started playing Trivial Pursuit. I have never been good at that game. The Queen and I struggled along and Meg really started to get bored. We played a little longer before deciding to go back to our hotel.

I initially thought that my friends had all changed a lot. After thinking about it some more, I guess I am the one who has changed. They were still doing everything that we did when we used to spend a lot of time together back in college and after we graduated. I guess I just find it boring now. They are really into movies and TV shows, just like they were then. I just don't have the patience for those discussions anymore since I don't watch many movies or TV show.

I really need to give them another shot in a smaller gathering to see if we can reconnect.

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Remember Grad Nite?

I was scratching my head trying to remember who played my Grad Nite when I was talking to Chels about her trip. I really struggled and the only musical act that I could come up with was Chaka Khan. I finally found a list and to my surprise, I was wrong. It was not Chaka Khan, but rather Midnight Star. I later remembered that Information Society may have played, but could not confirm it with anyone. Today I found that confirmation, so enjoy.

Here's a list of music acts that have played Disney's Grad Nite since 1972.

1972 — Duck, Saltwater Express, Crickett, Paul Revere & The Raiders, Stampeders, The Staple Singers

1973 — Danny Davis & The Nashville Brass, Ricky Nelson & The Stone Canyon Band, The New Seekers, Helen Reddy, The Spinners, Group Cassidy, Liberation

1974 — The Stylistics, Liberation, Canned Heat, Kool & The Gang, Brownsville Station

1975 — Kool & The Gang, Liberation, Sister Sledge, Flash Cadillac & The Continental Kids, Hues Corporation

1976 — K.C. & The Sunshine Band, Natalie Cole, Ohio Players, Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes

1977 — K.C. & The Sunshine Band, Starbuck, Hot, Flash Cadillac

1978 — Atlanta Rhythm Section, Sea Level, Hot, High Energy, Con Funk Shun, Solar Wind

1979 — Rose Royce, Starguard, Gary's Gang, Peaches & Herb, Solar Wind, The Races, Genes Cotton

1980 — K.C. & The Sunshine Band, Kool & The Gang, Robert John, Tantrum, Macar Brothers

1981 — Pure Prairie League, Sister Sledge, One Way Featuring Al Hudson, Terri Gibbs, Fantasy, Ricky & Tightrope

1982 — Pointer Sisters, Tommy Tutone, Bertie Higgins, Tierra, Michael Iceberg

1983 — Steel Breeze, Marshall Crenshaw, Dazz Band, Night Ranger, Burrito Brothers, Greg Kihn

1984 — Night Ranger, Dazz Band, Exile, Dwight Twilley, Weird Al Yankovich

1985 — Midnight Star, Shalamar, Teena Marie, Animotion, Run DMC, Shannon

1986 — Ready For The World, Rene & Angela, Animotion, Nu Shooz, Starpoint, Klymaxx, Miami Sound Machine, Sly Fox

1987 — Wang Chung, Glass Tiger, Ready For The World, Nancy Martinez, Oran Juice Jones, Bobby Brown

1988 — Expose, Run DMC, Force MDs, Michael Bolton, Club Nouveau

1989 — Samantha Fox, Information Society, Will to Power, Midnight Star, New Kids On The Block, Pasanda's, Surface

1990 — Jody Watley, Seduction, Stevie B., Skyy, Kevin Paige

1991 — Stevie B., Tara Kemp, En Vogue, Timmy T., C&C Music Factory

1992 — Shanice, RTZ, Restless Heart, Mint Condition, MC Lyte

1993 — Jon Secada, Shai, PM Dawn, Hi-Five, Classic Example, Boy Crazy

1994 — Hi Five, Mc Lyte, Zhane, Tag Team, Xscape

1995 — Shenandoah, Brandy, All-4-One, Changing Falls

1996 — The Rembrandts, Sammy Kershaw, Silk, Immature, Mickey Finn

1997 — Goo Goo Dolls, David Lee Murphy, Az Yet, Aaliyah

1998 — La Bouche, Backstreet Boys, Rhett Atkins, Allure, Reel Big Fish

1999 — Britney Spears, Reel Big Fish, Sister Hazel

2000 — Destiny's Child, Jessica Simpson, Youngstown, B.B. Mak

2001 — Tyrese, DJ Skribble, Nine Days, 3LW, Christina Milian, Tonya Mitchell

2002 — City High, DJ Skribble, Natural, Beki, Blaque, Christina Milian, Lil J., Petey Pablo

2003 — Mario, Daniel Beddingfield, Smilez & Southstar, Default, Nivea, New Found Glory

2004 — Monica, Simple Plan, Stacie Orrico

2005 — Yellow Card, Ciara, Ryan Cabrera, Kevin Lyttle\

2006 — Fall Out Boy, Omarion, Teddy Geiger, Simple Plan, Farnkie J, Fefe Dobson

2007 — Mario Vazquez, Cartel, The Fray, Cassie

2008 — Ne-Yo, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, The Last Good Night

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I Judge

I know that I am a very judgemental person and I know that it is wrong. So, how do I change that aspect of my personality?

I don't think I look down on people or consider people to be beneath me, buy I do constantly judge the people around me. For instance, I look at the jobs my coworkers do and judge whether they are doing more than I am to contribute to the company. I judge my friends in order to decide how much time I want to spend with them. I think some of this is healthy, but I may take it too far.

I really believe that you have to surround yourself with people who have traits that you respect and want to emulate. So, how do you do this if you do not judge people? That is the dilemma that I am facing. Where do I draw the line? How do I change so that I am less judgemental? I need to find these answers in order to make myself a better person.

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I Just Don't Understand People

This is one of those situations where I will use codenames to protect the innocent, or guilty. It is a story that I cannot believe really happened, but as I think about it more it is not really that surprising.

A family I know who goes to either Las Vegas or Disneyland every chance they get pulled their kids out of school on Friday and went to Disneyland for the weekend. This was not surprising because they go their so often and becuase they always seem to pull their kids out of school from one lame reason or another.

The real shocker to me was that just two weeks ago, one of the parents was telling everyone that they don't eat fruit and vegetables very often any more because they can't afford them. I found that statement shocking when I heard it becuase they didn't seem to have cut back in any other areas of their life. The kids still seem to have a soda in their hands everytime I see them and they have not cut back on their consumption of beer.

I undestand that fruit and vegetables are expensive. I often have an internal struggle when I am at the grocery store as to wether or not I should be buying the fruit and vegetables that I buy. I just can't understand why they are so expensive given that so many of them are grown right here in my back yard. For the most part, transportation costs should be very minimal, yet they continue to be expensive.

The last time we went to Disneyland, we ended up spending more than a thousand dollars for the trip. We did not stay at a fancy hotel. We did not even splurge on anything. The two-day park hopper passes for the four of us was the single largets expense. Given this, I know that this family spent a lot more than us. They have one additional child and they really love to eat. They alwayst talk about going to Downtown Disney to eat nice dinners when they are there. And on this trip their second youngest child ordered salmon for dinner one night so I know they were not operating on a shoe string budget.

I just don't understand why they would take a trip like this if they cannot even afford healthy food for their children to eat at home. They must have charged this trip on their credit cards which makes it even worse. Why do people do this? I think it goes back to parents trying to buy the love of their children.

These parents don't really spend a lot of time with their kids. I played catch with their second youngest child one day and the mother said that she was glad that someone was finally playing catch with him. That made me feel sorry for the kids, but also made me angry at the parents. I will admit that I am not the best parent, but how do you not play catch with your child from time to time?

This past summer, while they were still struggling for money they took several trips. They went to Disneyland. They went to Knott's Berry Farm. They went to Great America. Then in December, they went to Disneyland again. I just don't understand how a family who is struggling with money can make three trips to Disneyland in less than a year. How can you justify that? I guess this is just what most families do now which is why their have been so many home foreclosures. People have just gotten irresponsible. They just do whatever they want without thinking about how they will pay for it. It all just makes me mad when I think about it.

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Why Am I So Boring?

I have had a conversation about the Central Valley with some friends a few weeks ago and now yesterday with a coworker. The all had bad things to say about the valley. My friends were really down on the valley because of the lake of culture. My coworker is really into music. He is a musician himself and is also a sound engineer for live events. At work he is just a mild manered draftsman. We often give him a hard time about his rock star lifestyle.

So yesterday he was complaining about the lack of a music scene in the valley. I agreed with him and gave my view that the valley is just more of a house party type of place. He agreed, but continued to talk about the great venues that exist. He said that he cannot understand why the music scene is not much bigger considering the venues.

We agreed that the Central Valley is just a big cultural vacuum. The Fresno Metropolitan Museam closed last year which left a big cultural void in the valley. I told him that there is just nothing exciting to draw people to most towns in the valley, including Fresno. He commented that they valley is just a place where people go to work, come home and spend time with family. I told him that is not a bad thing and he agreed. He just wished that people would support the local music scene.

I agree with him. I think the biggest knock about the valley in general is that there really is not much culture. Everything is focused on agriculture. It really tells you something about the area when the "Farm Show" is the most attended event in the valley and the biggest draw every year. And it is not even located in one of the two largest towns in the valley.

As I think about it, I really do lead a boring life as compared to people in large cities. I like the pace of my life and I really like being there for my children, but I could use some excitement in my life.

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Where I Belong

I was at Fresno State yesterday for their spring career fair and I must say that it is always interesting when I go there. There is just something about that campus that does not feel right to me. I just don't feel like it is a university. It has the feel of a junior college to me. I guess that is why you really need to visit any potential college you are considering before making a decision.

I made my college decision without making a visit. I did not actually visit the campus until orientation over the summer. The good thing is that I felt comfortable on campus. My only regret is that I did not get the chance to live in the dorms my freshman year. It was not by choice, but I still regret it. It is so easy to make a lot of new friends when you live in the dorms. I would encourage everyone to do it their first year of college, especially if they have left their home town and don't know anyone like I did.

College was a great time in my life. I got to escape from my home town and meet people that were very different than I was. For instance, I did not know any black kids in my hometown. When I got to college I lived just down the hall from a few. Later in college I met a few more. I also only knew a few asians in my home town, but in college I met a lot of asian guys and girls. My junior and senior years I ended up living in a house with an asian guy and four asian girls. For some reason, I just did not click with a lot of white people in college. I was definately more comfortable with minorities and I think that had to do with the fact that I was a minority while going to school in my home town.

To this day I feel extremely comfortable when I travel to different parts of Mexico. I also felt comfortable when I traveled to Puerto Rico earlier this year and to China a few years ago. The places I really start to feel uncomfortable is areas of California that are traditionally known for having wealthy populations. I just don't fit in with that whole keeping up with the Jones' mentality and you are what you wear attitudes.

My other regret is that I didn't do something more exciting and helpful when I graduated from college. As I think back, I realize that it would have been a great experience to have joined the Peace Corp and traveled around the world helping disadvantaged people. I just wish it would have happened.

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How Obesity Affects My Life

Let me first state that I am not obese. I have been a little overweight for most of my life, and am still a little out of my target weight range now. I would not consider myself obese at this point, but obesity affects many parts of my life. I am not just talking about sitting next to an obese person on an airplane.

Most of my friends are obese. I don't know why it happened as we were all about the same in high school. Over the last twenty years since we graduated they have steadily gained weight. A few have lost weight, then gained it back several times. One has had lap-band surgery and is doing pretty well. She is not at her ideal weight and I don't know if she will ever get there, but she has lost a lot of weight.

Here is how their obesity affects my life. This weekend The Queen and I were looking at some patio furniture. We were sitting in the chairs to see how comfortable they were. I tried several before I found the one chair that I thought was the most comfortable and looked to be the best built. I was sitting in the chair when The Queen said that we could not buy that set. I asked her why and she told me that our friends would not fit in them.

This is not the first time we have had that conversation. We have looked at patio furniture several times over the past few years and this topic comes up every time. Why can't I buy a piece of furniture without worrying if my friends will be able to sit in it. It is my furniture!

I have been working out pretty religiously for the past six weeks or so. I wake up at about four-thirty in the morning to fit it into my day without taking time away from family. I am tired most days because I wake up so early. I am really trying to get healthier and I finally feel like I am getting their. I have talked to coworkers about the subject from time to time and I don't feel bad about it.

We were at some friends house on Saturday for a birthday party. We were all in the kitchen and I started talking about my exercise program and how I am starting to see some positive changes. I wanted to share my excitement with my friends. Everything was fine until we got home. The Queen told me that I should not have talked about my exercise to my friends. She told me that me talking about it could make them feel bad.

She told me that she has heard the comments from them before when she has talked about exercising. If these people are my friends, why can't I talk to them about something that I am excited about? I can talk to my coworkers about it, so why can't I talk to my close friends about it? I see The Queen's point, but it just frustrates me.

It sure seems like we are all walking on eggshells around obese members of our society, which make up the majority of people in the valley. You see people criticize models for not being real people. There have been pushes for plus sized models. There are plus size stores popping up all over the place. Why are we catering to these people who are "sick" instead of trying to help them? It just doesn't make sense to me.

The Queen told me a story of a wife that got mad that her husband ate some fast food for lunch instead of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that he took to work. She was mad because she is trying to lose weight and he is supposed to be supporting her and keeping her motivated. This is so wrong for many reasons. If you are not motivated by yourself, you will not succeed. You cannot blame other people for your behavior. You must take responsibility for your own actions. So if he starts to lose weight faster than her is she going to make him stop exercising? Where does it all end? When will obese people stop affecting my decisions? Is it selfish of me to think this way?

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Thirty Things Every Man Should Have

I came across a blog posting the other day entitled 30 Things Every Man Should Have by 30. I read through the list and feel that there are only a few items I do not currently have and most likely did not have when I was thirty years old. Below are the itmes I don't have with an explanation:

5. At least one friend who gives honest fashion advice. For some reason I have surrounded myself with people who are either stuck in a different era or who just don't have any fashion/design sense at all. I only have one friend who I would take advice from in this department. I think Topher has decent fashion sense, but our relationship is not such that we go shopping together. The friend I go to the most often for fashion advice is my best friend, The Queen.

14. An emergency kit in the trunk of his car. I don't have an emergency kit in my car and really don't feel like I need one. I carry my AAA card in my wallet and keep a cellular phone with me all of the time. I keep flashlights in The Queen's car.

15. A hobby that does not include a television set or a 6-pack of beer. I have had different hobbies over the years. I enjoy taking photographs. I play softball on a team. I tinker with graphic design and computers. I have built websites. I have designed t-shirts. Nothing has really stuck for too long, so I think I still need to develop a hobby I can stick with. I bought some canvases and paints a few weeks ago and plan to start painting abstract landscapes, so maybe that will end up being the hobby that sticks.

22. A nightstand that doesn’t say "Handle with care" on the side. My nightstand does not say "handle with care" on the side, but it is a beer crate. I took it from home when I left for college and it is still beside me bed to this day. The Queen and I really need to buy some new bedroom furniture, so it will move to the garage when that happens.

29. A place where everyone knows his name. I just don't have this place and I don't think I ever will. I have the wrong personality type for this. I tend to keep to my self and observe. People with my personality type don't usually have a place where everyone knows their name.

Here is another list for all of the women out there.

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What is My Personality Type?

Here is a link to a story about the Nine Enneagram Personality Types. I have been doing a lot of searching that twelve months or so. I guess I have been trying to find myself. This is something I should have done while I was in college, but I was just too young and naive.

I think I know which personality type I fit into, but the article says that it is the people around you who have a better view of your personality. Please comment on this post and tell me which personality type you think I am.

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Our New Addition

We finally brought a new addition into our family. She is a beautiful young girl. Her name is Cocoa Bean.



I was not ready for another dog. I have really been enjoying my nice clean back yard with no holes or extra clean up work, but Cheeseball has been asking for a pet. My first suggestion was a fish. She told me that you cannot play with a fish so she didn't want one. She asked for a hamster. I said no. She asked for a cat. I said no. She asked for a rat. I said no.

The Queen told me about a co-worker whose dogs had puppies. She told me about the puppies and I said no. She told me that she wanted to go by her friend's house on Saturday and I agreed. I didn't even put together that this trip would be about the puppies. She showed them to us and The Queen fell in love with one of them. And I was smitten myself. We talked a little about it that night, but did not make a decision.

The next morning I told her I would like to talk to the girls about it. Before I went for a run I told the girls that I wanted to have a family meeting. When I got back I told them that I would be OK with getting a puppy if they promised me that they would take care of it. We told them that we would even pay for them to take the puppy for training. They agreed, so The Queen called her friend and told her.

We went to pick up the puppy on Sunday afternoon. The girls both fell in love with her. We took her to PetSmart to get food and supplies and to look into training. When we finally got home later last night, Cheeseball could not stand the fact that the puppy was whining. We convinced her to leave the puppy alone. She slept in a box in the laundry room.

This morning, The Queen needed to get some clothes out of the dryer at six o'clock. She went in and the puppy started whining. Cheeseball came right in to take care of the puppy. She took her outside and was very concerned that it was too cold for her. I tried to tell her she would be OK, but she was still worried.

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Happiness?

Does anyone really know what happiness is? Are you happy when you are just coasting through life without any challenges? Are you happy when you have little to no responsibility? Are you happy when you are in a relationship? What is happiness?

I work with some guys who are seriously defective when it comes to relationships and life. One of them has never been married, but was in a serious relationship for more than ten years. She left him and now he is bitter, grumpy and nearly cries whenever he talks about the past. He does not think clearly and is on the verge of hating all women.

He accepts that fact that he is a little bit crazy now and has read books about what happens when a relationship ends. What he has read has told him that it will still take him about three years to get over his ex-girldfriend. He is OK with that, but he is still very emotional. The good thing is that he knows what he is going through and has accepted it. The bad part of all this is that he is now very cynical.

Another co-worker was talking about how needy his girlfriend is. She has to be with him all of the time. He sounded like a sixteen year old boy. The only problem is that he is in hi fifties and his girlfriend is sixty. All he does is complain about their relationship. I think he is putting up a front, becuase maybe he feels like that is how men are supposed to act when they are in a relationship. I don't like that at all. Be a man and admit that you are happy in your relationship.

Yesterday, he was complaining again and started talking about his ex-girlfriend that he lived with for sixteen years or so. She had no problem going off and doing her own thing and he did the same. They would do things with their friends instead of eachother. I asked him where she was now. He totally missed what I was saying and told me that she was probably at home watching tv. I repeated my question and he just kind of froze like a deer in headlights. I told him that was why she left him. There was nothing keeping her in the relationship because she already had her own life.

The Queen was telling me about a conversation she had yesterday with a few of her friends. Two of them were talking about how happy they were and the third asked them how it felt to be happy. Then they talked about people who cheat and how it is unbelievable that their spouse is really in the dark and thinks they are happy. I told The Queen that it is because the spouse only thinks they are happy, but is so selfish that they have not asked the other party if they are happy. They probably do not even listen to them at all.

I think my comments caught her off guard. I then told her that she needs to stop working so much and have work-life balance. She is working had to try to get a permanent teaching contract and I appreciate that. We just need to keep working hard to make sure that we have a strong relationship with eachother and our children, especially if we finally get to add another child to our family.

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Some People Really Do Change

I am sitting in the DFW airport waiting for a connecting flight to Des Moines, Iowa. There is a very loud man talking, or yelling, into his Bluetooth headset in a Texas accent. He is being rude and obnoxious as he speaks to an insurance company customer service agent. He repeats over and over again that, "you took money out of my escrow account and are going to jack up my mortgage payment." hearing him talk somehow reminded me of a conversation I had with The Queen on Sunday.

We got a phone call that she answered. After hanging up she told me that it was a friend of ours who we had not spoken to for some time. She invited us to a birthday party for her husband. He is turning forty. She told The Queen that they don't drink in front of their kids, so kids aren't invited to the party. That was a shock!

I had to think about that statement for a while. I just had to let it sink in. I then told The Queen that we must be horrible parents. I thought some more, then asked, "Why do some people get so conservative when they get older?" I made a comment that we are modeling good adult behavior by always being in control of our drinking. Who knows how their kids will end up after not having drinking models while growing up. They could become alcoholics.

I have been seriously thinking about that last question since that day. Why do people feel like they need to become conservative as they grow up. People think that you have to be conservative to be an adult or a good parent. I disagree. I am a little more serious than I used to be, but I am much more liberal now then when I was young.

Growing up I would say that I was on the conservative side. Even through college I voted Republican. But as I have aged I have realized that most conservatives only think about themselves while liberals think about how what they do affects other people. I would say that I am fiscally conservative and have considered myself socially liberal. As I have grown, I am thinking more about disadvantaged people and how my actions can affect them.

I believe that I need to think more about how my actions affect other people and even the world. I also think that people who do not ever think about this are selfish, which most Americans are. Most people in the US are just concerned about accumulating stuff. They are concerned with keeping up with the Joneses. They are much less concerned with doing something good for other people. I would put most conservatives in this category.

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...Four Days Later

Wow! It has been four days since I wrote anything. It feels like I am coming back from vacation, but I am not. I have just been a little busier than normal and my blogging has suffered.

QTRHT had a party on Friday night at our house. I was madly ripping out dead flowers and planting new tulips, calla lilies and some other shrubs. I also planted some bulbs that we bought from Costco in both the front and back yards. The plantings in the front yard turned out great. I am struggling with finding flowers that will survive in the front yard because it is very shady.

Saturday was really the first weekend day we have not had anything to do in a long time. We just relaxed and watched some movies. You just need to recharge from time to time and Saturday was a great day for that.

Some friends invited us out to brunch for Valentine's Day and we took them up on the offer. We ended up going to a little, very little, restaurant in a town near us. The restaurant was named Monet's. It is one of the best restaurants I have been to in some time. The food was fantastic and the atmosphere was fabulous. As we sat there we made plans to go back this weekend for dinner.

Monet's only seats about twenty-two people. The decor is French and is very well done. They try to only use local ingredients and feature wines from Central California. They also have a beer selection that features some that I have never seen before. The owner, waitress and chef were all very friendly and provided good service. The chef, Fred, is French and does a great job preparing the food. I don't say this often, but I can't wait to go back for dinner.

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A Day of Lows...and Highs

Saturday was a day of extremes for my wife and I. We started the day with her shopping for food with a good friend of ours for a post funeral gathering. As I mentioned on Thursday of last week, our good friend's father past away recently. His funeral was on Saturday.

It was a rainy day. I was thinking that would be a fitting type of day for my funeral when that day comes. I guess it is weird for me to be thinking about my own feneral, but I could not help myself.

The funeral was interesting since it was the first one I have attended where there has not been a body. His dad was cremated per his wishes. Our friend is an only child and his parents divorced when he was young. His dad never remarried. All of this added up to an intimate funeral.

There was a slideshow of photos and then people spoke about his father. Our friend was the last one to speak and he was very emotional. His relationship with his dad had suffered a lot over the years, but they were just in the process of trying to rebuild their relationship when his dad died.

We went back to their house after the funeral. They had some food and drinks. I felt really bad for our friend. His mom lives out of state, so now he only has his wife and daughter. His wife's father has told him that he will never be without a dad, so that has made him feel pretty good.

We had to leave their house early to get to my mom's sixty-fifth birthday party. I guess I didn't eat before because I knew there was going to be a lot of food at my parent's house. It turned out to be a pretty good gathering of about thirty to thirty-five people. After a long emotional day it was great to end the day on a positive note.

After dinner, my sister stood up and spoke about my mom. It was a pretty good speach, but it left me itching to say something of my own. I waited patiently for the right moment. After everyone, including my dad, spoke, it was my mom's turn. She thanked everyone and mentioned something about her favorite child. When she was done, I seized my opportunity. I started off by telling everyone that I was the favorite she was referring to.

I talked about how fair she has always been. She has been fair when dealing with my step-daughter and has welcomed her into our family from day one. She has always done her best to treat her like her other grand daughters. I really appreciate this as I know how hard it can be to accept a new person into a family and to try to treat them all equally. It really takes a special person to do this.

I made a joke or two about what my sister had said earlier in the evening and then ended it. We sang to her and then had cake and ice cream. It was a great evening for her and she had a lot of fun. She has waited to be "old" for a long time.

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