My Story

I awoke this morning too late to exercise. I guess I am still feeling the affects of my sinus infection.

I laid in bed and my mind started going crazy. I remembered a dream that I had last night. In my dream I ran into my college room mate whom I have not seen for almost ten years. We were talking about life and our careers and he told me that he was thinking about going back to school to become a doctor. He started out as Pre-Med in college and then changed his major to business after taking Organic Chemistry.

In my dream we continued to talk about our lives and future opportunities. He kept talking about medical school. I told him that I would love to go back to school, but that I cannot afford it. I asked him how he would support his family if he did go back to school. He told me that it would not be that difficult for him since he would get a scholarship to attend. I told him that was great for him, but that I am still paying my student loans and am starting to pay my wife's student loans as well. He asked me if there was anyone who I could lean on for support and I told him that there was not. That is when I woke up.

I laid in bed for fifteen more minutes thinking about my life and how I got to the point I am at today. My life has been a struggle. Not in the traditional sense of struggling to stay alive or out of jail, but in a much different way. I have struggled my whole life to do what I am supposed to do. To do what other people think that I should do. I think about this almost every day. I am a very private person for this very reason. I only share the parts of my life that I feel are appropriate for my station in life. The things that I am expected to be experiencing.

I would absolutely love to go back to school. I want to be able to make a difference in the world. I want to make life better for people who are less fortunate. I would like to travel to Africa and help build a school for a village. I would like to travel to Mexico and teach life lessons to kids in a remote village. I would like to travel the world and learn from people of different cultures. I just cannot afford to do this. I don't have the time or the money.

I told The Queen this morning that I am thinking about writing my autobiography. I told her that my life has not been exciting, but that there are things that I have kept to myself my entire life that I feel like I am ready to share. She questioned me about those things and I told her that I did not want to burden her. She kept asking so I told her that I do not share my true feelings about how much things affect me. In particular, our financial situation weighs on me every single day. By American standards, we are in great shape financially. I am just not happy with where we are.

So Maybe I will start writing my autobiography today. Or maybe I won't. Who knows.