My Mad at You Voice

It really was a rough day yesterday. I got a call from ChaCha at about seven thirty in the morning. There was something wrong with her car and she was on her way to school. It turned out that she had a blowout and drove on it for a while not knowing what was wrong. I left work to pick her up and take her to school.

I had every intention of changing the tire myself, but when I saw that the tire was ruined I decided to call AAA to do the dirty work. I was just not a happy camper at that point. I called The Queen to let her know what happened and to vent a little bit. She called me back to make sure that I was taking ChaCha to school. She was driving so Cheeseball was talking to me. She was put in the middle of our conversation and I was not happy at that point, so she took the brunt of my anger.

When I picked her up from school later that day, I appologized to her and told her that I was not mad at her. I was just upset in general. I explained the whole situation to her and actually vented a little bit. She then told me that the way I spoke on the phone upset her. She said, "you used your mad at me voice." She then told me that my mad at her voice was louder than my mad at ChaCha voice. Those two sentences were a real eye-opener. I know she is old enough to pick up on emotions and the little things that we still think she is too young to notice. But she really is a smart little girl with a lot of emotion. I think she put that in the exact words that I needed to hear.

I think I use my mad at her voice a lot more than I should. I don't want her to be afraid of me, I just want her to think about things more and realize how they affect other people. I guess I am going about it in the wrong way. Maybe I have an anger problem that I need to work on? I know that I have a lot of stress that builds up from me having to do a lot of the things in the house. I need her and ChaCha to pitch in more and be responsible for themselves. That is a lot to ask of an eight year old, but I think she is ready.

I decided to try my hand at writing a haiku about the major issue of the day.

My mad at you voice:
it hurts you so much inside
I must change my ways

I don't know how good this haiku is or if it is really a haiku at all. I know that it does follow the structure of a haiku though. I have never been good at poetry or writing because it is difficult for me to express my emotions. It is even difficult for me to think about my emotions. I think that is why I am so cold most of the time. I guess you could say that I am boring. I don't laugh or have fun as much as I should. I am always worried about something. I need to change, but it is difficult.